He used to love caramel

Back in October of 2015, I was so fixated on my ex that I truly believed with every force in my being that he was meant for me, that he was my other half, my twin flame.

Nov 17, 2015 he told me he loved me, yet that same day he laid in bed with a mental hospital patient; Camila Vanilla, of Framingham, MA. She had no real job aside from gigs here and there so she had plenty of time to open her legs to him on regular basis. Meanwhile, I was heartbroken that the 'man of my dreams' (or so I thought) eventually allowed her to lay in the same bed I shared with him for over 2 years... 

The first night he slept with her, he violated his probation by leaving the state to have fun in Foxwoods, while I waited for him in his bed. Once he came home, he confessed he "fucked a random hoe" (his exact words) and I'm not going to lie, that truth cut me deeply. I found her on Facebook, and a few days later and we met for the first time at Taqueria Mexico. By then she found out I was the girlfriend that lived with the new fling she recently fooled around with. She was scared and intimidated, which honestly made me feel bad for the poor thing.  I didn't know what I wanted out of seeing her in person, but since I pitied her on our first encounter, I felt the need to apologize for making her feel bad. (I know that is an odd reaction, but I'm a kindhearted person after all). Regardless, after that day she wanted to be friends, kept sleeping with said boy, all the while acting as if she was on my side wanting to help me get back with him. If that isn't called being two-faced then I don't know what is... 

She planned to go Florida in November of 2015, which I thought would be enough distance for her to leave him alone, but boy was I wrong. I heard through the grapevine that she slept around in Florida but still manages to stay in contact with him and myself... She went as far as to inform ME that he tells her he still loves me but wants to have sex with her or other girls for a few years before he considers getting back together. That was another harsh truth, but I appreciate the honesty regardless of the source. 

I was so blindly in love with this boy that her words actually gave me hope that he would want me back. Like a fool, I went to him and he gladly welcomed me into his bed, affirming that he loves me still, but enjoys fooling around with Camila Vanilla for some "fun on side". When I told him he needs to choose, he said he was hoping to get rid of her when she went to Florida and get back with me... How foolish of me to even want that. My ex must have felt like the man being able to choose between 2 girls, but failed to notice it was a choice between myself, a lady and a tramp like Camila. Thankfully I chose myself, and stopped sleeping with him.

The last time I saw him was on Thanksgiving Day, November 26, 2015. He told me, "I don't want her to know we see still each other because I don't want her to hurt herself, she is a troubled girl that might kill herself. I will never date her because she's even crazier than you." How impeccable he was with his description of her... 

No one ever hurt me as deep as he did. It was heartbreaking for me to lose the person I thought was my everything, my first love, the first male I opened up to completely. I was devastated after I found out he hoped to get back together after playing in the dirt with that gardening tool. Of course I still loved him, and probably always will, but I cannot be with a boy that expects a Queen to wait for him while plays with dirty toys. Most people I talked to said that I dodged a bullet, but it didn't feel like like that for a long time...

A boy must first become a man before he finds his woman,

or he'll damage whatever woman he comes in contact with along the way.

After I decided to move on from him, I was filled with anger, confusion, and frustration, so I began to write. I wrote about how he gave my love away to a promiscuous girl who hides behind the words of Jesus Christ, I wrote about how she played me for a fool, I took screen shots of her harassing me to leave the Church I was attending, I wrote about everything that I knew and felt because I couldn't believe that someone would hurt me like that. It took some time but I eventually realized how important it is to love myself and ignore anyone who doesn't respect me. I was played for a fool chasing after a boy who has not yet blossomed into a man. Even his best friend who I strongly disliked at one point approached me and stated that he felt pity for me and how I got played. I felt ashamed for not predicting the unfortunate events and for not knowing better to be able to react better. Thankfully I grew from the experience and consider it a valuable lesson learned.

What is bizarre is how she got the same tattoo as me so that she could try to match my ex (see image below). It was as if she saw the picture of him and I below and thought that she could replace me with her... They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but coming from someone who struggles with violent tendencies and mental health issues, it's pretty scary.

 Poly and "the Boy"

So the moral of the story is: people will hurt you, but don't use that as an excuse for poor choices; use it as motivation to make the right moves. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, they are incapable of loving you back the same way. Find love in a place of honor and respect before you lose yourself fighting for the wrong person... If I can grow and learn from this experience, then anyone can do it too.

(This is a #TrueStory that inspired the book #VanillaNightmare)